I reduce myself firmly on a scale to less
and I cut down to basic behaviour
until the pain subsides
I silently steal away from crowded places
into the space for private manoeuvres
according to my demands

I am happy and I’m sad
violently straight in my privacy
recess indended
about to reconcile with my sanity

Not any longer willin‘ to take part
in any of these trivial life-simulations
I cancel my desire and sexuality
for release from suspence and its torment

I am happy and I’m sad
confident and afraid in my privacy

Moments were to go by and prospects vanished
when I stood deserted at my utmost need
I would cut through so easily
if body-approach didn’t depend on
instinctive courting

I am happy and I’m sad
violently straight in my privacy
recess indended
about to reconcile with my sanity

Tomorrow will find me farther away than today
I will have left behind mediocre standards
finally alone and out